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16 February, 2013

How [I think] We're Doing the Long-Distance Thing Right

So you’ve already decided that you’re going to give the long-distance relationship thing a “go”, and you want to have some ideas of how you can minimize the suckiness of the situation. And the long-distance thing DOES suck. A lot. Trust me, I’ve been in one for about six months now, but I’m proud to say that the distance thing is our ONLY problem. On every other facet, we’re doing great. Read on to find out what we’ve done to ensure that.
The most important thing, I think is to sit down and have a powwow beforehand so you can come up with strategies to help each person feel just as loved as when you’re together. The two crucial questions to answer are: “how are we going to communicate?” and “What are we going to do about sex?”

For the communication part,  some ideas: If there is a time difference, have one person send a text for the other to wake up to, plan a video chat date at an interval that is both practical and agreeable for both people, If and if you can swing it, our number one “rule” is that we need to hear each others’ voice at least once a day, even if it’s for five minutes.

Now for the sex part. Clearly when the two of you are separated, you won’t be having physical sex with each other. And with a lot of people, they decide that they aren’t going to change the rules of monogamy just because they are separated. Which is fine. Others may decide to either continue to or begin to “open it up” and allow some extra-relationshipial sex (not a word, I know). Which is also fine. The trick is to hammer out the details out ad nauseum so that there is no room for misinterpretation. Jealousy and insecurity are toxic to relationships, so both partners have to have full understanding and full endorsement of "the rules". Questions to ask yourselves:
  1. Am I/ Are you allowed to have sex with someone else?
  2. Who is on/off limits? (Strictly people we do/do not know, no exes, just boys, just girls, etc)
  3. Under what circumstances? ("Don't As Don't Tell {Not recommended by me - may promote suspicion} or Must ask permission first {Recommended by me - promotes honestly and communication}.)
  4. What actions/scenarios are mandatory/forbidden? (Must use protection, no sleepovers, must take photos, can't be in your own bed, etc)
But remember to keep the lines of communication open and be flexible. It's not going to work unless both partners are happy, and being flexible may prove to be worth it! 

Now you may get to see each other in small intervals, which is nice!  You may think that you’re going to spend the entire time between the sheets, and may end up with feelings of failure or disappointment when this doesn’t happen. We’ve come to learn that it’s more important to plan something special each time you see each other.  There are lots of examples I could think of, but you know what you're into, and I don't. Of course, sometimes an entire day in bed isn't a bad thing...

I guess the bottom line is to make sure everyone feels just as loved when you are separated as when you're together, and when you ARE together, to make sure you plan for quality time. 

Good luck!

~A  

1 comment:

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