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06 August, 2012

Sometimes, It's Us Women Who Have to Change

So for those who have followed my blog for the last year, you know at least one thing about me. I left Canada for Scotland a little more than a year ago kinda in hopes to get over a dude. We were happy, we broke up, it was devastating. I totally thought geography would take care of it.

And for those who actually know me, well, you know it didn't work. Not only did I come back to My Home and Native Land in December, I got back together with him in March.

Most were shocked, a good portion were happy for me, and yes, there was at least one person who was cool with it, if.

If what, exactly?

Well, if he changed, of course.

I don't blame that mentality, because we, as women, have been programmed convinced by popular media to believe that if something goes wrong in a [heterosexual] relationship, or it's "just not working", that it's the man who has to modify his behaviour and change in order to make things work. That we women have it all "sorted out", and if he would only just __________________ , then it would all be good.

Except that's not really how it is, is it?

Men are human. Women are human. We all have the potential to let our issues get the best of us. Just so happens that women are the target demographic for romance fiction (pick your medium), so that the actual reality of "we all have equal potential to be fucked up" isn't represented.

And sometimes, it's the woman. And this time, it was me.

I don't want to get too personal here, because that's not what this blog is about. But, if you can imagine the combination of a recent parental loss to cancer, the growing pains of an imminent graduation from a degree I didn't even want, being in my late 20's and watching most of my friends get engaged, married, pregnant, etc, and recent estrangement from members of my nuclear family, you can understand how a girl can go a little crazy.

Sometimes, a person can just convince themselves that x, y or zed (sorry, the Canadian must come out) has to change in order to make themselves happy. And sometimes, and hopefully, they can see that the change needs to come from themselves, and not necessarily from the one on the other end.

"The Mister" and I spent eleven months apart. And I did most of the changing. Not for him, mind, but for me, my health, and my sanity. And then I was healthy. Despite everything, I was the happiest I'd ever been. (Still am)! And that was before we even got back in touch. and then "we" were a viable option at that point. So yay!

But the moral of the story is, sometimes someone goes a little crazy and needs to sort their shit out in order for a relationship to progress, and it's not about "quick fixes", or "he needs to do __________".

Sometimes it's just you. Yes you, with the vagina.

Because that was me, a little over a year ago.

~A

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