22 July, 2012

I Like To Have Sex

I like to have sex. Shocking, I know. But I like to have sex a lot. And I've had sex with many men and several women over many years. And I don't see that changing any time soon, as the sex I like is often non-vanilla, and I'm generally monogamish [thanks, Dan Savage] and subscribe to the old "the more the merrier" canard. And you know what? On top of all of this, I like that I like to have sex.

There are a few names that someone may call a gal "like me", but of all of them, I prefer the term "human". Some of the names I don't like (unless of course I explicitly ask for it during certain types of play) are: slut, whore, tramp, etc. Why don't I like them? Because it suggests that I'm doing something wrong, that I should be ashamed of it, that I need to be silent about it.

The problem, of course, with that belief, is that it is wrong. I'm not doing anything wrong, I should not be ashamed of it, and I don't need to be silent about it. And neither does anyone else. Period.

"Slut Shaming" is the act of making a woman feel guilty or inferior for being sexually active, having multiple sex partners, or acting or dressing in a way that is deemed excessively sexual, often by calling them a "slut" or other derogatory terms. Slut-shaming is based on the idea that women should follow one sexual norm, and that any woman who deviates from this norm is inferior to other women. Slut-shaming can occur privately or publicly, between people in all types of relationships.

(That's from Wikipedia, so it must be true.) It also ties into victim blaming in regards to rape victims, but that's a topic for another day...

If you want to hear my definition of slut shaming, though, it's simply: "bullshit". It plays into the "Madonna-Whore Complex", where a woman who is sexual is only good for casual relationships, and where "pure" women are the only ones who are desirable for marriage. Any man who wouldn't marry me because I'm "too sexual" for him is saving my time, frankly. Slut shaming is an incredibly misogynistic practice that is oft propagated by women towards women. We gotta stick together, sistahs!

Sex is not dirty, sex is not shameful, and sex is WAY more than just one man and one woman doing it missionary style with the lights off. Sex feels good, has a plethora of health benefits and promotes social bonding and self-discovery. 

So the next time you find yourself criticizing the length of a woman's skirt, or  judging her for how many people she's slept with... just stop. And if you bring your religion into the mix, you can stop that too, because not everyone believes what you do.

Mmmmm kay thanks.


(A.K.A. "Dirty Slut")


  1. Thanks for sharing this. I'm a 22 year old guy who's tired of hearing (and seeing) the same derogatory terms used towards women. It hurts me to see that women who could be enjoying their lives are feeling the sting of this social injustice, and your site encourages me to stand up against guys that would perpetrate that language. Anyway, great to hear you on the LAF podcast, keep doing what you're doing to make a difference.

  2. Thanks, Nathan! I really need to blog soon! I think LAF airing that podcast is putting a fire under my butt!

  3. Those hardworking folks produce food for my starving atheist soul. I can't recall how many days they've saved my sanity at work!

    Another great podcast is Godless Bitches, produced by the Atheist community of Austin, Texas. Feminist issues, atheism, women's rights, news, rants, great fodder for blogging.

  4. Oh, I'm well familiar with GB. And many others.

    I don't talk about my atheism or skepticism in my blog because the subject matter doesn't call for it. And really, if one has different beliefs than I do, one can still get educated, amiright?

    There are so many atheist and skeptic bloggers out there that I couldn't hope to be a relevant voice. (Not that I'm claiming to be anything special in the sex blogosphere...)

    What I DO talk about are my progressive values. LGBT issues, feminist issues, etc. Because when it comes to sex, those things matter.