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24 November, 2011

"First Time" Fears

Recently, I got an email question from a reader of my blog:
What is the most important advice you can give to someone who is a late bloomer (still a virgin, but it looks like that's going to change soon)?  My initial instinct was to go through the typical "make sure he's not pressuring you", "make sure you tell him if something doesn't feel right", but I have never given advice on sex.  So when I was asked of more explicit details (basic positions, experiments, etc), I don't know how to proceed.
Well, that's a great question!

Before I get down to business (and before she does, *wink wink*), let me tell you, it's a luxury to be able to make a calculated decision about losing your virginity. I know too many people who's first time was "At some party with some guy/girl". So she should be proud of herself!

Now, for my advice. First off, you are right in telling your friend to make sure she's not being pressured. Because it's rape otherwise. No ifs, ands or buts. This has to be just as much what she wants as what he wants. (This is also good advice to any guys out there who have a virgin girlfriend.)

Secondly, Relax. If she's like most women, the first time isn't going to feel particularly wonderful. In fact, it could hurt, and she will likely bleed because of a broken hymen. (If she's a late-bloomer, I'm assuming she's old enough to have heard the old sex-ed talk, so I'm not going to go into detail.) So going in knowing that, she won't be expecting a wonderful, orgasmic experience and then be let-down.

Thirdly, - again, not to get too caught up in sex-ed, but - when a woman is turned on, she gets wet down there, making insertion of the penis much easier. Now, whatever they do, don't go in dry! So, don't forget the power of foreplay. Fingering, petting, oral sex, etc... Make it long and good so she's nicely aroused. Ideally, she will be sufficiently aroused to produce her own fluid, but nerves may get in the way. Saliva is a great substitute. Placing a glob of spit on the fingers and applying it to the vulva (opening) and the penis is how you'd do it. Otherwise, she can use commercial lube. Although, I have my doubts that a virgin will be cool marching up to the till at a drug store to buy lube. (Can always purchase online though!)

Now, in terms of positions, boys are born knowing how to hump. Girls need a little bit more practice when it comes to doing the work during sex. So, I would recommend good, ol' missionary. (Girl-on-back-guy-between-the-legs.) It's also a good way to face each other and to easily communicate if something doesn't feel right, and it's more intimate than doggy-style. You can kiss, etc.

My last word of advice on this matter, is to make sure they are practicing "safer" sex. IE) some form of birth control, and ideally a condom. Condoms are the only "barrier" method of birth control, which means they protect from both pregnancy and STIs. I'm not going to go into the instructions on how to put one on, but this website has a great tutorial.

So, my friend, I hope this helps, and I hope this is a start to a long, fruitful sex-life for your late-bloomer friend.

~A


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