Ah.... May. One can tell that Spring is finally here in the Canadian Prairies by all the patios teeming with pastie-white folks hoping that their cabin fever has finally broken, reckless motorcyclists wreaking havoc on city streets, and the bounce of the step and smile on the face of every stranger you pass.
But don't be so quick to assume that this collective sense of elation has only to do with the long-awaited return of vitamin D to our systems, friends. May is Masturbation Month and methinks that folks are just showing themselves some much-deserved lovin'.
I actually happen to be a big fan of masturbation, believe it or not, and it's not just because I am newly single, either. But this wasn't always the case. Now normally, as much as I love talking and blogging about sex, I don't like blogging about MY sex life. A Carrie Bradshaw, I am not. But I will happily disclose this little nugget: I wasn't orgasmic - that is, I hadn't actually had an orgasm - until I was 24. Yes, you read that correctly. And if you're counting, that means I have only about two years-worth of orgasms under my belt. (Don't worry, I think I may have made up the short-fall.)
The most common reaction I get when people find this out is: "That's terrible! You must have been sleeping with such losers who didn't know how to please women!" To which I reply something to the effect of: "How on earth were they supposed to know how to satisfy me? I didn't even know my own body well enough to tell them what could get me off!"
That's right, ladies and gents. plainly, I didn't masturbate when I was in my teens. It's the old: I-can-get-any-boy-I-want-so-why-would-I-need-to-masturbate chestnut. Sex still felt great, and as I entered my 20's, I just figured that I WAS having orgasms, but that they were over-hyped in pop-media and that secretly no one actually was having MIND BLOWING sex, they just claimed they were. So that's what I did.
Oh don't get me wrong, now. I was never a prude. Starting at about age 19 or so I was willing to try just about anything that Mr. Right Then would ask, and of course, I owned a vibe or two. I was always a sexual little vixen, and in retrospect, I think that's why I was able to delude myself into thinking that I was actually having orgasms - "How could I not be?"
And then it happened. A blessing disguised as a boyfriend who didn't really like, er, "doing it" with me. Like, ever. Well, to avoid hyperbole, twice a month. BUT STILL! Now, I liked this guy. Quite a lot actually. And I figured: "I can make this work, I just need to be more self-sufficient." So, I blew the dust off the old vibe and whenever I'd be alone at my place for a night, I'd, er, use it. (I will add the caveat that I didn't actually "blow the dust off". I cleaned it properly. To learn how to clean your toys properly and why it's so important, see this previous blog post of mine.)
For the first little while, due to boredom and impatience, I would give up after about ten minutes just like all past attempts. And then, one night.... IT HAPPENED. The warm, tingly buildup starting from the torso that radiated to my extremities and then - wait for it - the wave after wave of glorious release and the physical pulsation of my vagina which took my breath away! "OH MY GOD!", I exclaimed. "That was it!"
Now, you can probably guess what became of that relationship. But let me tell 'ya, I never looked back. Since that infamous day, I have become a lean, mean, orgasm machine, and I only have masturbation to thank. All I needed was a little self-love.
Now don't think for a minute that I cease my self-lovin' when I'm partnered up. Au contraire, mon amis! I truly believe that it is not only okay, but in fact totally healthy and important for both partners (or all, for the polyamourous among us) to maintain a satisfying solo sex-life throughout every sexual relationship.
If you are pre-orgasmic like I was, or are just looking for some tips to add some "spice" to your solo sex-life, Dr. Sadie Allison's book "Tickle Your Fancy" is a a light-hearted, informative guide to female masturbation. Here's a free excerpt!
So get to it! (Especially all you ladies out there - the guys don't need any more incentive.) Rub, flick, tug, yank, caress, tap, tickle and tweak your way through this wonderful month of May.
"The Dream" ~ Pablo Picasso